Dark Horse Arts and Sciences

31-03-2024

So, you like anything that’s long, isn’t it? I know it shouldn’t be too long, otherwise it won’t fit into your system, will it? I mean your mental system, don’t think otherwise. I know you like it average size, kind of medium and soft and equal amount of hard. You like it slow, steady, with a bit of tenderness and then slowly moving into a bit of roughness. You like it with some ocean breeze flowing past you. You like it with me, don’t you?

Anyway, I haven’t written anything for so long, the reason being my recent failures in my field of study. I have somewhat been oppressed by the emotions of my failures and the way I have failed. It’s been a misfortune to have disqualified in an entrance exam by two and half marks. I blame my fate for it. I do not blame myself, but my notorious fate who played with me. Anyway, I just want to forget this all but it keeps dragging my mind to the mud. Maybe, it’s time for me to start meditating. I have never tried meditation. I have to, now. There is no other way to calm down this stormy mind than to just sit down, close my eyes and breathe.

Hope is a very dangerous thing. It creates inside your mind certain illusions, as was instilled in my mind after that exam. I had done so well that I was overconfident of getting a higher rank, but as my evil fate would have it, I didn’t even make it to the qualification. It hurt, it still hurts, it’s just that I am broken, the plight of this misery is weighing heavily on my shoulders which aren’t broad enough to bear it. Maybe I need another pair of shoulders to weigh it down. Maybe what I need is some engagement. I don’t need any free time now. I want to be so engaged that I wouldn’t have time to even think anything. I want to be restless again, to have those sleepless nights working for something, for something I am passionate about, for something I feel my life is worth living for. Maybe that something isn’t that far away. Maybe it’s just there, urging me to push a bit more.

You like it for a longer period of time, don’t you? You like it to be slow and soothing and lengthened so that you can achieve the pleasure you want. I, too, like it longer so that I lose all my energy and just reach that exhaustion point. That exhaustion point is the peak of relaxation for me. I want to be there again. Clock’s ticking.