Dark Horse Arts and Sciences

So, this is our final day as we are meeting each other for the one last time before your grand wedding. So, we have a few precious moments left before everything eventually falls apart, like a house of cards. 

As we just sit there silently, with our fingers clasped together and your head leaning on my shoulder, you ask me something. You ask me, “What’s love? Is it what love is, then? Loving someone, but never having that person by side forever? What’s the point of all this, then? If it were always meant to be like this, then why did fate cross our paths?”

To be honest, I have no answer. I am equally devastated and broken from inside as she is right now. Rather, she is far stronger than me. She doesn’t stop though. She keeps throwing barrels of questions at me. So, the following back and forth between me and her, something I never want to let go of my memories.

She-“There was never a moment when I didn’t think about you. There was never a night when your memories didn’t linger around my subconscious while I was in bed. I always dreamt of having you by my side in our tender single bed one night, cuddling each other, with our arms covering each other’s body and soul, but that’s never gonna happen, right?”

Me- “No, I don’t think so.”

She- “This is what you had to say. I am saying so much, giving out everything inside me, and what you had to say was, “No, I don’t think so!” Why are you like this, Ryu? Can’t you see I am in so much pain, there is so much inside me that just wants to leave everything behind and run away with you. Don’t you want this too? Don’t you love me anymore or what? Have you given up on me already?”

Ryu- “How can you think I have given up on you, Rukito? I’m not saying anything doesn’t mean I am not going through any pain right now. It’s just that I still can’t comprehend the fact that it’s our last meeting. So, I just want to sit with you peacefully and enjoy this moment with you. I don’t want to cry over our ultimate fate, that will be a waste of this meeting. So, let’s just sit through and talk about something sweeter.”

Rukito- “Ok, so you wanna talk about something sweeter. Then let’s talk about love. Let’s talk about the very essence and basis of our relationship. Just tell me one thing, did you ever love me or not? Or was it just a show of utter sympathy and pity for a girl who was already broken and shattered through the ugly motions of life? Was it really love? Because, it was always love for me, Ryu. Always. There were all the signs to prove I was always deeply in love with you. Can’t you see how uneasy I was when you weren’t around? How anxious I would become if you don’t talk to me even for a few hours! Isn’t that love? Isn’t love being uneasy everytime you are not around? Isn’t love feeling butterflies everytime you are around? Tell me, Ryu, tell me something at least.”

Ryu- “Love, Rukito, is being with you and without you all the time, everywhere, inside you, within you, over you, beneath you and beside you, all the time. Love is being without you, yet still feeling those butterflies inside my head, flying away out of utter ecstasy. Love is being inside you both physically and spiritually, despite me being miles away from you. I might not be able to hold during those times, but I was there, beside you, in your psychological world, caressing your head and inner being.”

Rukito- “Is love this credence that what I felt with you couldn’t be any less real? Or is love, this desire to only sit with you on the terrace and make it a little more magnificent than real? Is love knowing that you are flawed and believing that we will work our way around? Or is love knowing that I won’t fit your puzzle and letting you go every time? Is love this calling to pull you closer each time you try to go a little far away? Or is love the belief that you’ll come close the farther you go away? Is love hiding things from you not to hurt you, or is it sharing all the deepest secrets at the cost of losing you, forever?”

Ryu- “Love is craving to be with you, all the time, getting lust in your eyes, being present with you. Love is to be lost in the ocean of your charms and also in the deep scarred roots of your flaws. Love is not hiding anything from you, because I know you won’t judge me, you would know why I did what I did. Love is pulling you closer as you try to go away from me, into a foreign land. Love is holding you tight until you become completely convinced that I will never let you go.”

Rukito- “Is love being with you? Or is love knowing that I love you even if I can’t be with you?”

Ryu- “Rukito, even if you are gone, somewhere inside my heart, I know you will love me forever. I know there will be reserved a deep, damp corner in your heart, always for me and me alone, where our memories will be lurking around, messing up your head. I know there will surely come a time, when you will crave for me insanely. You will crave for the fragrance of my body, radiance of my smile, tightness, and comfort of my embrace. There will be a time I will crave for you too. I will crave for that unwavering gaze, those bright, deeply conversing eyes, those soft hands that used to caress my head when I was upset. Eventually, I will crave for your body too. Memories of us making love under the silver moonlight in a full moon will haunt me till my last breath. My lips will long to kiss every inch of your body; explore every corner of your dark, chocolaty skin; making your head explode with the most intense and satisfying orgasm ever; just lying there on bed, all naked, with your bare body making friction with mine, with your legs on my thighs and your hand on my bare chest and both of us staring at the fan, with my palms playing with your cute little breasts in between, rubbing your hardened nipples, you moaning out of utter excitement; our minds almost in a state of blankness, just enjoying being with each other, at that moment, completely oblivious of what future had in store for us.”

Drops of tears crumble down Rukito’s face like a river, emanating a ray of utter sadness and melancholy as she gets up and hugs and kisses me for the one last time. We hold each other for a minute until she relaxes the grip of her embrace and starts walking back, never to return, never to be seen again.

Dedicated to My Close Friend

As A Token of Love.