Dark Horse Arts and Sciences

There I am, standing in front of the corpse of my grandmother (Aai) as sheds of tears are running down my cheek. I feel like some part of me is being taken away from my soul; some part that was indispensable and tethered to my mind and body. But there’s no point any more thinking about all this. It’s all gone. I don’t have any slightest idea where my grandmother is right now. Maybe she has disappeared into that nothingness; a complete blankness in the fabric of spacetime. Maybe she is still here; roaming around searching for her body that is now lost and can’t be gathered again. Maybe she is still standing here, right in front of me in her astral realm, completely oblivious to me. I have no idea. 

But I can certainly experience a sense of presence around me; as if she will never leave my side; as if she will always protect me by any means; as if she is my guardian angel.

But these are mere fantasies running in my worn out mind.

The reality is she is no more; that she has left me forever in this world full of chaos and disarray all alone. Now, I have to find my way all alone without any guidance from her. I start feeling a sense of nausea and tension as a dark and uncertain future is lingering before my eyes; as if it will trap me with its deadly claws and no one will be there to rescue me. 

But this is the way of the world, isn’t it? This is how I have to live and survive here. I feel like I am deserted in this vast ocean of absurdity and meaninglessness. I feel like there is no purpose to my life any more. No more chit chats and harmless jokes with my grandma; it’s all gone, shattered into pieces like a broken glass; no chances of being repaired again.