Dark Horse Arts and Sciences

Since when he was a child, Alex had cultivated a deep curiosity and understanding towards the study of physics and how it governs the entire universe with some complex mathematical equations. How the universe as a whole bears with itself an aura of mystery around it, often amazed him with awe and utter surprise. 

Gradually as years passed, he went on to become a nuclear physicist exploring different facets of the nuclei and atoms that we are made of. But something bothered him; an unrecognizable force tended to make him question the point of all creation; the fact that all these electrons, protons and neutrons were created from almost nothing, baffled him and sent within his nerves an urge to try to reveal all those secrets, even though he had no idea what those secrets were in the first place. The fact that there is an infinite vast universe awaiting for us to get explored, made him anxious and restless; even if he stayed awake his whole life and tried to solve all the mysteries, that wouldn’t be enough to get all the answers. The fact that his lifetime was almost nothing in comparison to the age of the universe, and in this short lifetime, how he was going to accomplish everything he was destined for, depressed him, and made him more sad and anxious. 

Also the universe’s utter silence towards humankind about the existence of any other living organism surprised him as he was completely certain that there must be some form of life out there, in those dark skies. It cannot be true that the universe could have performed such a level of injustice towards life, giving only one planet the right to have it. The fact that there are trillions and trillions of earth-like planets roaming around in the deep interstellar space kind of sends a sense of paradox inside our mind, obviously there is a paradox called Fermi Paradox that states this exact fact. 

Well, Alex has now become old both physically and mentally. He did research for almost fifty years, but found nothing. He feels like his life has only been a case of some meaningless and futile research that only reached a dead end. He feels like all these years of toil and hard work were nothing but an added misery to his already miserable life. But one thing he doesn’t feel; regret. The fact that he gave it his best shot without hoping for any hope; without waiting for any particular outcome; without giving up a single moment even in the face of all difficulties, made him a little happy and content. A sense of contentment penetrated his heart and soul as he felt the relief of being able to not give up in the face of failure and rejection. He was able to give up, but he didn’t. He didn’t because if he had, it would have all collapsed back to the beginning; the next time he would start, he would have to start all over again. 

In his fifty years of life as a physicist, he had at least learnt a thing or two about this absurd life of ours. That, life is itself futile and meaningless, and there is nothing but misery and suffering everywhere, is the biggest yet most painful truth. That, any endeavour or exercise towards setting up something different so that it would change something or it would impact something some way or the other is nothing but an illusion. That, if you think you can change something by knowing something deep and dark about this vast universe, is again a lie. You knowing something about the universe, or you knowing that the universe is gonna end tomorrow won’t change the fact itself. You gaining a false knowledge somehow that we are at the centre of the universe and the earth is flat won’t change the fact that they aren’t. That shows that even if you gather all the secrets of the universe, you will eventually end up in its own dust after it all ends; and all those secrets that you gathered will be mixed in those dust. 

Hence, Alex concludes that there is no point chasing anything at all; that life is nothing but a cycle of absurd and random events occurring just for the sake of itself; that, there is no reason behind anything and it’s all a part of some hollow empty existence that doesn’t have any idea why it exists in the first place. But that’s not it. Alex concludes that even if the existence is meaningless and there is nothing but hopelessness and senselessness in it all, there exists a certain sense of freedom. The fact that nothing would eventually change or our actions would rarely have any impact upon the bigger scheme of things; the idea that overthinking about anything would only cause more and more internal suffering, can create a sense of relief and a certain glimpse of hope in the hopelessness and absurdity of it all. The fact that it’s all meaningless gives us the freedom to do whatever we want; to gain whatever we desire. There is that small glitter of optimism in all the nihilism and pessimism that we live in; there is that silver lining. It’s just us who have to figure it all out.